only you can make a difference darling

let's hear it for the video gaem!!!

Mon, 20 Apr 2026 04:00:38 GMT

new tomolifeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaau actually i have some disorganised thoughts about current game and old game and reaction to it and completionist mentality and general gaming things.

you know undertale/deltarune are great games because it's a meta commentary on the completionist mindset in video games, which, you don't really see in gaming. drv3 was kodaka saying "danganronpa sucks actually and you're a bad person and cringe for still liking it" while toby fox is making a meta commentary by having you question the morality of completionism in video games without like... villainising the genre. just you. you're the villain. and it's great. the games don't punish you in a sense of "you're a bad person for doing this" but making you go "it's ok to not have every answer" (like, by being a completionist, you actively ruin the happy ending you've given the characters by seeking out the darker routes and godddddd i loveeeeee it). idk what toby fox has planned for deltarune in the end, but the Weird Route™ makes me feel scared for every character involved and it makes me love writing so much.

( OH BOY! VIDEO GAMES! )

anyways............... who cares if people are speedrunning the game just to get bored later. let them ruin the experience or whatever. it's not like undertale. there is no wrong way to play lifesims.

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lost in your game to change the same, forever gone, forever you

Fri, 17 Apr 2026 13:30:09 GMT

so they softblocked me on a few of their accounts, even their priv priv, except their main priv and persona fandom account. mmhmm. yeah. i'm not doing this game anymore.

over a year of being treated like a dirty little secret and not as a real friend because your friend is obsessed with hating me for softblocking her a decade ago and refused to let it go. i'm not putting myself through it anymore. it would have been better to never have gotten an apology at all. it meant nothing. we were friends again for 2 weeks last january before she came in all "uhmm they hurt my feelings a decade ago" like whatever. i'm over it. my stupid feelings don't matter and she made the ultimatum first and i never made one at all but this is not a friendship. this was torture. i put myself through it because "no it can get better". it won't. it doesn't. idc anymore. we are strangers again and it can make Her really happy to know she ruined it all not that she cared anyway. idec if she somehow finds this, reads it, and gets mad. yeah. YOU ruined it being jealous and weird. high school ended decades ago. just not for you i guess.

my heart is broken but it will heal and forget this ever happened. i just have to heavily avoid corpse party fandom again. lmao.
whatever.

recently an old friend, darlie, got in contact with me again. she said she wasn't talking to HER anymore. i found it suspicious why she brought it up, and also even asked how i felt about her. she said they hadn't been friends in a while but her pinned tweet literally references her. we didn't talk much after. she even asked for a link to my comic again. sighs. i think everyone's just fucking with me.

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my comic's bittersweet origins

Sun, 05 Apr 2026 02:10:48 GMT

some miserable intro

i been reading old blog posts from when i was a teenager and like. idk some personal stuff i been realisin but also like. idk. i don't wanna think about it, like. at all. i think it's making me realise i've always been a never-ending spiral of shit-eating misery. but whatever. ignore real life and how bad it is and always has been and will be and FOCUS ON SOME OC SPERGING. WHO KNOWS HOW MUCH LONGER I'LL BE ABLE TO WRITE ABOUT OCS. who knows how much longer i'll be able to write at all.

ANYWAYS OC TIME YAYYYYY.

ok so before i started writing my comic, psyche!, it had a proto story that i still have scant traces of digital art for. it was called "black rose" and i wrote it during classes in like 7th-8th grade. it was a shoujo-inspired kinda story. it was about your average japanese high school boy named daisuke atsuya and his stalker-friend-crush named rinako. the general plot was that on his way to summer school, he happens upon a pair cat/rabbit hybrids. one upbeat and one very pensive. the upbeat one, minako (HMMMMMMMM), says she's looking for someone to be the saviour of her world. daisuke gets dragged into the past by accident thru a portal they open up and he accidentally revives a princess, shizuka, and her enemy, ZAN, from a deep slumber. he learns shizuka is an alternate version of rinako and that he's been transported to the 1800s version of his current world. these cat/rabbit hybrids are supposed to protect shizuka along with her personal guard and servant, kaoru. that was the basic story.

i used to have spirals of the original comics but moving so much recently has made me lose those. SIGHSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. anyway. anyways, through looking at my old archives, i post a lot of short stories, black rose being one of them. i basically have everything i originally wrote archived on there. one fun thing is, rei was originally always named rei (because the story took place in japan. i was 14-15 when writing it ok), whereas in the original draft for psyche! her name was lindsey. but then i changed her named after meeting someone named lindsey (i wrote about that experience previously before) so she became rei. i ended up adding too much to victor's history so now he's extremely mixed but whatever! originally he was german and hated americans and women. heh. funny.

sooooooo i ended up finding something else in those archives.

( it's all madness from here )

anyways...

i did aaaaall this just to redraw that one little comic that i wrote in 2007, found funny back in 2009... wrote, re-wrote, and then scrapped and remade altogether a story... and thennnnnnn.... I NEVER DID INCORPORATE IT BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAD CHANGED SO MUCH IT WAS NO LONGER CORRELATED TO WHAT I WAS WRITING.
LOL.
LMAO.

there is one scene that i think is still really funny and i would love to incorporate it somehow into the current version of the comic. maybe one day. if i can make it fit tonally.

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Deep in the depths of the forest, I'm sure even now, I'm hiding my abandoned heart

Mon, 30 Mar 2026 11:08:57 GMT

oh this shipping woes. it never ends. this is tangential to my last post actually, but i think it was long enough as is. SOOOOO.

i said it'd be fine to ship shadria if you aged her up, or if she had lived and could canonically age. however there is one series i wish this didn't apply to.

sighs.

let's talk about hanyou no yashahime, the anime only sequel to inuyasha, and how this one series not only managed to ruin a character i spent half a decade in love with, but divided the fandom in ways i didn't think were possible. i watched other sesshoumaru fans in real time, fans that had TATTOOS of him, suffer in agony with me over what this series did to him. it was as like brian griffin died and the people got tattoos to mourn him and then he came back to life 2 episodes later nullifying any sympathy you were supposed to have for his death. except people already had the tattoos and now felt like their skin had been vandalised.

THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG ONE. STRAP IN.

( From a secret well to the Sengoku Jidai )

so.

you can probably tell from this why people are diehard for this ship. hell, they were even BEFORE these chapters dropped but this cemented this ship as something never fucking going away.

spoilers, but who gives a shit, this whole thing is spoilers, in the final chapter of the manga rin is living in a human village now with kaede (kikyou's sister) so she can rehabilitate into living with humans again. remember when i mentioned the kimonos earlier? sesshoumaru drops by to give her new kimonos as presents frequently. this didn't help... but i still don't see it as romance. rumiko takahashi probably didn't either.

alright so what happened?

well. it's 2020 now. it had been 12 years since the manga ended and about 10 years since kanketsu-hen ended. where do we go from here? well. a new anime of course! it was announced as being focused on sesshoumaru and inuyasha's daughters. moroha, inuyasha and kagome's daughter. and touwa and setsuna, sesshoumaru's daughters. we were excited. but there was an issue. a mystery...

( Without even noticing the color of the deep, deep blue sky... )
a lot of us immediately dropped the series at episode 14. i wasn't watching this shit. fuck off. and then i had fucking sotsugou over here bastardising the higurashi story it was like i was getting pelted with rocks by my favourite series having shitty ass fucking sequels.

the fandom is doing kinda better now. there's scars. some of us hesitate to talk about sesshoumaru now. we try to ignore what they did to him. sadly for a lot of fans, the damage was done. it always kinda breaks my heart a bit when i see people regard sesshoumaru with ire now. sighs.

i'll always love this series. it's not ruined for me at all. i re-read it and re-watch it constantly, but... i can't deny a bit of the bitter taste in my mouth when i think about sesshoumaru. i wanna draw him. i wanna use icons of him. he's sooooooo similar to shadow it's fucking nuts. but i'm scared, y'know? they utterly destroyed his reputation. thank god there are people that are still unaware this sequel series even exists to begin with LMAO.

when i was a teen i also used to ship sesshoumaru with miroku. like some schoolgirl version of him that was mega-horny. i can't explain that. i just got so attached to that ship fsr. lmao. ftr my sesshoumaru ships are sesskagu, sesskag, and of course... mirosess, LMAOOO. and i thought seeing so much incest between him and inuyasha would be the worst thing ever for the character... (called inucest... ofc). sighs.

anyways. idk. i wish this sequel series never fucking happened. i wish sunrise wasn't such a bored, greedy fucking company and stuck to love live and gundam. leave inuyasha alone. fuck off forever.

some day i wish for an inuyasha remake the way urusei yatsura and ranma have gotten remakes closer to the manga. BOTH done by different studios. i want sunrise away from inuyasha forever. it makes me sad though. some animators that worked on the original are no longer alive. like shouko ikeda who did the BEST episodes and easily had the prettiest arte style (she came from kyoani, the haruhi and lucky star people).

a remake without her would be sad. she was still alive when kanketsu-hen was airing, but she wasn't involved in it. she was a tragic victim to the kyoani arson that happened in 2019. fuck the stupid moid that did that.

sighs.

i want a remake though. one close to the manga. one that doesn't fucking remove the tender scenes between kagome and inuyasha and change kikyou completely to make her more of a "girlboss". i want an unbiased production. i do love the anime, but i can't lie and say it's not a little bitter to watch knowing just how fucked they made everything. mmm. i guess i'll use this to talk about the kikyou thing while i'm at it.

during the original 1980s production of ranma 1/2, noriko hidaka played akane, and kappei yamaguchi played ranma. these are our main ship of the series. for inuyasha, hidaka played kikyou, and yamaguchi returned to be inuyasha. can you see where the nepotism bias is forming? lmao. even during interviews where all three are present (satsuki yukino as kagome), it feels like hidaka and yamaguchi have this chemistry being veterans together afterall. it feels like yukino is left behind a lot in the interviews. sometimes yamaguchi is even curt with her in a way that he isn't with hidaka. it makes me sad. but yukino takes it in stride so they're an otherwise cool trio together. funny as hell too. so the anime staff clearly favoured inukik over inukag and this is also so present in the ps2 game, secret of the cursed mask.

i fucking DESPISE how inuyasha is written in that game. idk if it's the ENG translation or if he's an asshole in JPN too (fuck it he probably is), he's so fucking... rude? to kagome? constantly? it's a fun game but holy shit he's such an annoying asshole? i don't even think it was written by the same staff as the anime despite having the same animators on it. christ.

manga inuyasha would kick anime inuyasha's ass and manga sesshoumaru would kill anime sesshoumaru.

fuck!

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I may walk the streets in bliss-tainted misery

Mon, 30 Mar 2026 03:12:53 GMT

ok more ship bullshit.

i'm starting to not care as much that people ship shadaria/shadria because whatever. age her up if you must. but i have some... opinions about why i personally don't really ship it myself.

( ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و With the dope in you and the dagger in me, invader )

anyways, just because the creators of something personally ship a pairing outside of the source material, it doesn't mean i have to ship it. even if it's meant to be canonically romantic either, that still doesn't matter to me. there's plenty of canon ships in media i dont give a fuck about. am i supposed to just because it's canon? anyways........................ all this to say i don't personally ship it romantically. in fact, to me, shadow and maria have a "love" that is beyond labels. neither platonic nor romantic. a secret third thing.

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GAAAAAAAAAAAAAG

Tue, 24 Mar 2026 03:59:51 GMT

HOLD ON I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING EMBARRASSINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. when i first started dating aster and we were both female identified my family was like OK COOL and my SISTER MADE A PROFILE ON THE SITE WE USED JUST TO SEE THEM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD I THOUGHT I ERASED THAT CRINGE FROM MY BRAIN!!!!!!

also i remembered smth. me and aster got in a fight and then patched things up, but i was beefing with lindsey idr why. she left a comment on his post like. about something. and i went yandere on her like "CAN YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE." AND WE STARTED THIS HUUUUUGE COMMENT CHAIN FIGHT WHICH RESULTED IN HER GOING "IF YOU'RE SO DEPRESSED THEN WHY NOT JUST KILL YOURSELF?" (not very christian of you bro....) GODDDDDDDDD. HOLY FUCK BRUH.

so embarrassing. that whole era of my life was one big embarrassment.

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medicated baby heads

Tue, 24 Mar 2026 00:21:38 GMT

ok so I was thinking about the meds I've taken, right? and it made me start thinking about this abusive moid my mom used to date. he wasn't outwardly abusive, but he was just.... skeevy. IDK. he was from mexico and she dated him before in the past like... back in 2005-2008. hated his ass. she started dating him again in 2019-2021. I got on this train of thought because, like... i took this tramadol my mom had but she didn't know where it came from. she's had it for a longass time apparently. and then i remembered a time back in laaaaaate 2019? i found this med in one of her cabinets and i was like "yo, what's this?" cus when i see a pill, i take it. whatever happens, happens, but this one was more suspicious looking and she freaked the FUCK out on me because it was one of those scary ass meds, the type you shouldn't abuse because it can kill you probably. she was freaking out and mad at me and she didn't know how it got in the house. i was like "HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW? I DON'T GET THESE KINDS OF MEDS." we just started blaming my sister like she probably left it there. she was always on some shit back then.

my memory of this is fuzzy, but i remember piecing together her fucking moid probably planted that there to make us fight and make her think i was crazy because he loooooved to make me look bad. i pieced this together because some things didn't add up, and he knew i abused and stole her meds, he knew where it usually was, and he knew where to get them.

after my ex visited, i overheard him and mom talking and he said i wasn't smart and that she was taking advantage of me (he thought she was just a friend, ofc....) and was using me for my money. real funny cus she was the one losing money buying me shit LMFAO. and buying an expensive ass plane ticket to see me. my mom got mad at him for real for calling me basically stupid and they got in a fight and his ass was GONE for good. THIS is when i was like omfg. he totally put that dangerous ass pill there to make us fight. he totally did. mom wouldn't bring something like that in the house and why the hell would my SISTER do it either? she was long off that kinda shit by that point.

anyways, this i when i started actually googling pill names and sizes when i find one JIC cus before that i was rawdogging that shit. let fate take it's course.

my fucking tooth is on and off starting to hurt and i'm like fuck man. can this infection just kill me bro we can't afford this procedure and it's so much paperwork just to get back in and also to find a resource for cutting the payment in half like those payment plan things idk. it's so much effort that my mom never wants to do. basically i'm just waiting for the infection to kill me. i've gotten abscesses that made my face swell up so bad i go to the emergency room lookin like elephant man. it makes my face feel like a rock and it's painful as fuck. this is like a cancer. a slow, painful death. except there is a cure, kinda. we just can't afford it and don't have time. i hate pain i aint no masochist.

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TUB

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 14:09:35 GMT

THE ULTIMATE BLOGGING BEGINS.

this is for my closest friends only so idc if you follow/comment but i probably won't mutual.
most of my entries will be private.
current socmed sucks so i'm here to bring back REAL&CLASSIQUE blogging.
additional info on my profile.
this is a bad blog and i am a bad person.
ENJOY READING!
´ཀ`
⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧

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dreamz are weird

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 12:31:08 GMT

i got my main twitter account back after over a YEAR of spamming support tickets n shit like that. kinda overstimulated about which account to prioritise now. i'm afraid to do anything least i lose the account again. SOBBING. i have a friend i can't talk to publicly because i softblocked their annoying ass plain bread bitch friend 9 years ago for being a boring annoying ass plain bread bitch and she been mad at me for nearly a decade since. she's also just jealous i'll take this friend from her. the last time we called was last january to watch monster. i literally can't finish this anime without them because i watched 40 eps with them. i can't NOT watch it without them. i didn't even know she hated me so much back then. i forgot like... whatever inciting incident caused me to softblock her so long ago. i just didn't care about her, like. at all? and i was willing to be friends with her again since i was back on good terms with my friend after also almost a decade of us not talking because of past drama.

after that past january i get fucking suspended on twitter, i make a new account and then we started interacting less and less and i noticed my friend was hesitant to RT me anymore on our public accounts and i was starting to feel weird about it. we talked less in DMs too. and then i saw them RT this friend. i go to her profile. i am blocked. oh. i see what's happening now. we talk and i learn yeah this friend is making it difficult for them to interact with me because everytime she sees my name, she gets all bitchy and guilt trippy and makes my friend feel like shit. we agree that they'll talk to this friend.

after basically months of nothing and their anxiety to be honest with this friend about being MY friend and being treated like some dirty secret, i softblock all their accounts from mine and remove them from discord. they notice, message me saying this isn't what they want. we remain friends on discord and because twitter likes are private now, we can privately like each others tweets. this is the most retarded situation i've ever been in i think. i go back in fourth mentally like, yeah, well, who would choose me over a better friend anyway. but that friend is such a manipulative cunt?? what's the point? what do they see in her? what do they see in me. whatever.

right now we're in this weird limbo state of only once every couple of months. we haven't had a real genuine interaction since last fucking january.

but i got my twitter account back. which means i have ALL of their accounts following it again. in fact, they were the first to message me like HEY YOUR ACCOUNTS BACK and i was like HUH? they liked my tweets about it but i'm hesitant to interact with them again because??? their friend is a fucking bitch. now we're in an even weirder limbo state because at least by having all their accounts softblocked, their possessive ass friend can't bother them like "OMG WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO THAT GUY. I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU'D LOWER INTERACTION?" <real thing she said btw. so now i'm like. what do we do? lol. if she sees i'm back and we're following each other she could become a major bitch but also both of us have been hoping she'll notice something over the time and bring it up herself which will open the conversation finally. but i need my friend to be stronger. nobody should be guilt tripped for being friends with someone your other friend doesn't like. we're all in our 30s. what the hell is this high school ass shit???

anyway, i fell asleep on call with kazu after movie night and had a weird dream about my friend and there was some arte contest in this class we were in and we couldn't talk at all because real life bled into the dream. we passed each other in the hall and i hugged her really tight and then we parted ways. i remember the teacher in the dream staring like whatever bro.

it kinda reminded me of this dream A once had of us. this was way back in fuckin... 2011?? lmao. he still remembers it too and the times we've talked (not ever again tho...) he's brought it up. in his dream we were like i dunno high schoolers or smth and he had a long day or smth and i was there and we just hung out and hugged and stared at the sky like anime type shit. i think about that dream too sometimes. it always felt to me like a "this is meant to be" kinda dream. i have a few ppl in my life where i'm like "we will probably never ever talk again but these people are so impactful to my life in a way i can't describe, that it's fate maybe." red string type shit. i love red string of theory bcus maybe i'm secretly a romantic idk. i love fated connections. reminds when this artiste drew this one sonadow piece and they cut the red string and the text was "let those who defy their fate be granted glory". and sonic and shadow are cheering with the red string on their pinkies cut with scissors. that artework hits me in a way that artiste will literally never know or care to know. it makes me feel all emotional because i love the fated bond between sonic and shadow. is their connection MORE meaningful if it wasn't fate but simply their intrinsic forces instead? i dunno. it makes me feel certain things. but yeah. A is one of those people where i'm like. we will probably never talk again bcus he's such a broken asshole, but he is in my heart and is one of those "the one" type of people to me. i wouldn't feel this way if we never dated too. sighs. that's also my weird bond with this friend i'm having issues with.

we dated once. years ago. it was weird. they definitely remember it though. i thought they'd forgotten since it was kinda cringey haha. so they're also one of my fated "the one" type. i think i love them? in love? i dunno. our interactions are too weird now to parse. for the years we didn't talk though, i never once hated them for how they treated me. i even showed them all my priv tweets about them once because the only bad thing i said was "yeah they were kinda nuts for what they did but i miss them terribly". SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. stupid gay heart. damn dreams. i dunno what we're gonna do now. just wait for friend to notice ? idk. i'm too hesitant to interact with them haha but also because i'm afraid to do ANYTHING on that damn account least i get sus'd again. ugh.

what must i do.................

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dating sim hard

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 12:30:16 GMT

me and schaduw did a drinking game on this dating sonic dating sim someone made and the amy route is first of all, unfinished and secondly, the hardest one. methinks this artist doesn't much care for shadamy. i got 3 bottles in. the rouge one was fine and the sonic route was ok. whatever.

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SHIPPING NONSENSE

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 12:29:10 GMT

anyway here's a post abt corpse party shipping. i don't even hate kizashige. i still like it. BUT i hate how OTHERS ship it. like, it's not some romance tragic distant lover forbidden romance type shit. that's LITERALLY shigemayu. the fun of the ship is that kizami is CANONICALLY obsessed with morishige, meanwhile morishige doesn't give 2 shits about kizami. he's done with his bullshit. kizami is convinced they're "cut from the same cloth", but the truth for morishige's feelings couldn't be farther.

these are from the ACTUAL ship charts released by grisgris/grindhouse.
i like kizashige were kizami is morishige's delusional, clingy stalker and mayu has to keep trying to protect him from the garbage.
i also really like kurozami, kurosaki's character song is incredibly gay and i like to imagine him pining for kizami meanwhile (imagining they all escape tenjin alive), kizami is obsessed with morishige. i want them to destroy each other other. but i couldn't never actually say any of this on socmed because nobody would understand. my friend definitely wouldn't understand because, ofc, they hate all things kizashige but nobody is shipping it how it SHOULD be shipped. it's not a romance. it's a comedy. LMAO. sometimes i wanna draw kizashige still but MY vision of it, not the dumb losers on twitter who don't even ship it right. it would be instantly misunderstood. i hate idiots. also my friend might misunderstand but i don't think it really matters cus they don't care about me that much anyway or else they'd be strong and tell their friend that WE'RE friends and make them fuck off, BUT ANYWAY. I CAN'T CHANGE HOW MY BRAIN WORKS. KIZASHIGE IS FUN WHEN IT'S MY VISION. EVERYONE ELSE SUCKS. i like kizami.

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OC and comic woes

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 12:27:13 GMT

SIGHSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
.
sometimes i have a lotta OC woes because i don't think anyone wants to read a comic about a buncha high schoolers cus everyone would rather read about adults/college students. i feel like my story can't work if it's about college students though because idk. but i also think i cucked myself because if i wanted to, say, draw NSFW or SAUCY arte it'd be like "omggg why are you drawing this of MINORS" and im like. but i'm not. also theyre my ocs and hey can be any age i want them to be when i draw them outside of comic canon. like who cares. whatever. sighs. sometimes i wish i Had just made them older and it's not so easy to just age them up in canon without explanation. i've come too far to rewrite it all AGAIN. if i draw them outside of comic canon, regardless what design i use, they are ageless, assume 18+ but that explanation probably doesn't help anyone. THEY DO AGE IN CANON. they grow up with the story. eventually there will be a tiny time-skip just to get them towards the end of high school. then i feel like my mind will be free to do whatever i want. it requires patience tho. i also have no idea how long i'll live to even get to that point. i wish my comic was more popular. there's this rival comic to me called ghost eyes, a couple comments on webtoon have compared it to mine. it's my rival because i genuinely like it and i wish i didn't cus the author has the fandom i wish i had but they've been uploading since smackjeeves days. I'VE NEVER OPENLY TALKED ABT THIS COMIC CUS IF MY FRIENDS READ IT AND LIKE IT THEY'LL LIKE IT BETTER THAN MINE CUS IT IS BETTER THAN MINE. AND I HAVE A ONE-SIDED RIVALRY WITH THE AUTHOR OVER IT. some of their fans are fucking stupid as shit though and just make the laziest comments. their tapas audience is better than webtoon. webtoon is full of fuckin morons.

another comic i really love is todd allison (i rly dont gaf that the author drew despicable me incest whatever get over it. i'm more sad they stopped writing this comic forever. i keep up with their newer comics tho.) that one also still has somewhat of a fanbase despite the author having moved on like half a decade ago. that's a genuinely good comic too. i wish mine mattered at all to anyone besides my 2 friends. my other friends don't even read it cus they don't gaf. almost 28 chapters in 8 years and so little fans. barely 100 on comicfury, 42 on tapas and only one even interacts. 300 on webtoon but again, dead website. i dont know how to advertise it because it's just high school drama but ghost eyes is also high school drama and people eat the shit outta that comic. i feel like i'm drawing for nothing. i feel like nothing i do matters. i want a fandom. i want kin fights. i want more than what i'm drawing for. is it so much to ask? it makes me so sad. i also hate myself too much to advertise how i should cus i just feel so stupid. my ocs are ME and ME is stupid. I am stupid and useless so my comic is stupid and useless. sighs. i wish anyone cared.

what am i writing it for? i started it in 2009 as a shitty thing, remade it in 2012 even more shitty, and remade it AGAIN in 2018 kinda shitty still? is it just not interesting. even the worst comic slop ever has fans. did i fuck myself because they aren't adults yet so it's unrelatable? but i feel like the shit my OCs do wouldn't be realistic if they are adults. they get away with so much BECAUSE they're dumb teens. idk. am i wasting my time? should i remake it again? i don't even have all the adult deisigns planned out. i just wanna draw what i have but the audience i've made over half a decade just.... isn't motivating enough to keep trying. sighs. wasting my time forever.

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tired

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 12:25:50 GMT

made the mistake of stalking thru profiles and finding an old friend i hurt very very badly and thot hate maybe i can apologise or smth and oh no . theyre dating someone and happy. they should never remember me ever again. i feel so heartbroken for something that happened 14 years ago.

you know what's funny a lot of my ex-friends will say i was hitler but they never experienced what i put this person through and these assholes keep trying to message me despite me being oh so evil, but them? never once tried to message me ever again.

im so sad. im really so sad. i missed them the most of anyone. i knew i cant be around them just looking at their profiles old feelings resurfaced and it made me sad and angry.

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like what even was this

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 12:09:28 GMT

i made a friend recently, like a year ago. i admired all their arte n shit. and then after like, idk. 9/11 of last year LITERALLY 9/11 she dropped all contact with my and my bestie. it kinda hurt cus i felt close to her. we could bitch about conspiracy theories and she got me hooked on this book, CHAOS, about government corruption and how manson was a literal psyop. idk. i thot we had a connection. and then suddenly, just. she drops us both with no word. even more recent she blocked us both on discord. like. ok. i get her whole thing is "not owing anyone shit" but if we're friends it's cowardly to treat us like we weren't even deserving of an answer.

my friend believes it's because i reblogged 2 stupid memes over the assassination of a current political dude and the timing was impeccable to say the least.

idk. it just felt stupid to throw all that away without saying anything over some dead guy who didn't even know personally. it kinda fuckin bites.

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