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[personal profile] kizamis
SIGHSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
.
sometimes i have a lotta OC woes because i don't think anyone wants to read a comic about a buncha high schoolers cus everyone would rather read about adults/college students. i feel like my story can't work if it's about college students though because idk. but i also think i cucked myself because if i wanted to, say, draw NSFW or SAUCY arte it'd be like "omggg why are you drawing this of MINORS" and im like. but i'm not. also theyre my ocs and hey can be any age i want them to be when i draw them outside of comic canon. like who cares. whatever. sighs. sometimes i wish i Had just made them older and it's not so easy to just age them up in canon without explanation. i've come too far to rewrite it all AGAIN. if i draw them outside of comic canon, regardless what design i use, they are ageless, assume 18+ but that explanation probably doesn't help anyone. THEY DO AGE IN CANON. they grow up with the story. eventually there will be a tiny time-skip just to get them towards the end of high school. then i feel like my mind will be free to do whatever i want. it requires patience tho. i also have no idea how long i'll live to even get to that point. i wish my comic was more popular. there's this rival comic to me called ghost eyes, a couple comments on webtoon have compared it to mine. it's my rival because i genuinely like it and i wish i didn't cus the author has the fandom i wish i had but they've been uploading since smackjeeves days. I'VE NEVER OPENLY TALKED ABT THIS COMIC CUS IF MY FRIENDS READ IT AND LIKE IT THEY'LL LIKE IT BETTER THAN MINE CUS IT IS BETTER THAN MINE. AND I HAVE A ONE-SIDED RIVALRY WITH THE AUTHOR OVER IT. some of their fans are fucking stupid as shit though and just make the laziest comments. their tapas audience is better than webtoon. webtoon is full of fuckin morons.

another comic i really love is todd allison (i rly dont gaf that the author drew despicable me incest whatever get over it. i'm more sad they stopped writing this comic forever. i keep up with their newer comics tho.) that one also still has somewhat of a fanbase despite the author having moved on like half a decade ago. that's a genuinely good comic too. i wish mine mattered at all to anyone besides my 2 friends. my other friends don't even read it cus they don't gaf. almost 28 chapters in 8 years and so little fans. barely 100 on comicfury, 42 on tapas and only one even interacts. 300 on webtoon but again, dead website. i dont know how to advertise it because it's just high school drama but ghost eyes is also high school drama and people eat the shit outta that comic. i feel like i'm drawing for nothing. i feel like nothing i do matters. i want a fandom. i want kin fights. i want more than what i'm drawing for. is it so much to ask? it makes me so sad. i also hate myself too much to advertise how i should cus i just feel so stupid. my ocs are ME and ME is stupid. I am stupid and useless so my comic is stupid and useless. sighs. i wish anyone cared.

what am i writing it for? i started it in 2009 as a shitty thing, remade it in 2012 even more shitty, and remade it AGAIN in 2018 kinda shitty still? is it just not interesting. even the worst comic slop ever has fans. did i fuck myself because they aren't adults yet so it's unrelatable? but i feel like the shit my OCs do wouldn't be realistic if they are adults. they get away with so much BECAUSE they're dumb teens. idk. am i wasting my time? should i remake it again? i don't even have all the adult deisigns planned out. i just wanna draw what i have but the audience i've made over half a decade just.... isn't motivating enough to keep trying. sighs. wasting my time forever.
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kizamis

April 2026

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