only you can make a difference darling

oh this shipping woes. it never ends. this is tangential to my last post actually, but i think it was long enough as is. SOOOOO.

i said it'd be fine to ship shadria if you aged her up, or if she had lived and could canonically age. however there is one series i wish this didn't apply to.

sighs.

let's talk about hanyou no yashahime, the anime only sequel to inuyasha, and how this one series not only managed to ruin a character i spent half a decade in love with, but divided the fandom in ways i didn't think were possible. i watched other sesshoumaru fans in real time, fans that had TATTOOS of him, suffer in agony with me over what this series did to him. it was as like brian griffin died and the people got tattoos to mourn him and then he came back to life 2 episodes later nullifying any sympathy you were supposed to have for his death. except people already had the tattoos and now felt like their skin had been vandalised.

THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG ONE. STRAP IN.

( From a secret well to the Sengoku Jidai )

so.

you can probably tell from this why people are diehard for this ship. hell, they were even BEFORE these chapters dropped but this cemented this ship as something never fucking going away.

spoilers, but who gives a shit, this whole thing is spoilers, in the final chapter of the manga rin is living in a human village now with kaede (kikyou's sister) so she can rehabilitate into living with humans again. remember when i mentioned the kimonos earlier? sesshoumaru drops by to give her new kimonos as presents frequently. this didn't help... but i still don't see it as romance. rumiko takahashi probably didn't either.

alright so what happened?

well. it's 2020 now. it had been 12 years since the manga ended and about 10 years since kanketsu-hen ended. where do we go from here? well. a new anime of course! it was announced as being focused on sesshoumaru and inuyasha's daughters. moroha, inuyasha and kagome's daughter. and touwa and setsuna, sesshoumaru's daughters. we were excited. but there was an issue. a mystery...

( Without even noticing the color of the deep, deep blue sky... )
a lot of us immediately dropped the series at episode 14. i wasn't watching this shit. fuck off. and then i had fucking sotsugou over here bastardising the higurashi story it was like i was getting pelted with rocks by my favourite series having shitty ass fucking sequels.

the fandom is doing kinda better now. there's scars. some of us hesitate to talk about sesshoumaru now. we try to ignore what they did to him. sadly for a lot of fans, the damage was done. it always kinda breaks my heart a bit when i see people regard sesshoumaru with ire now. sighs.

i'll always love this series. it's not ruined for me at all. i re-read it and re-watch it constantly, but... i can't deny a bit of the bitter taste in my mouth when i think about sesshoumaru. i wanna draw him. i wanna use icons of him. he's sooooooo similar to shadow it's fucking nuts. but i'm scared, y'know? they utterly destroyed his reputation. thank god there are people that are still unaware this sequel series even exists to begin with LMAO.

when i was a teen i also used to ship sesshoumaru with miroku. like some schoolgirl version of him that was mega-horny. i can't explain that. i just got so attached to that ship fsr. lmao. ftr my sesshoumaru ships are sesskagu, sesskag, and of course... mirosess, LMAOOO. and i thought seeing so much incest between him and inuyasha would be the worst thing ever for the character... (called inucest... ofc). sighs.

anyways. idk. i wish this sequel series never fucking happened. i wish sunrise wasn't such a bored, greedy fucking company and stuck to love live and gundam. leave inuyasha alone. fuck off forever.

some day i wish for an inuyasha remake the way urusei yatsura and ranma have gotten remakes closer to the manga. BOTH done by different studios. i want sunrise away from inuyasha forever. it makes me sad though. some animators that worked on the original are no longer alive. like shouko ikeda who did the BEST episodes and easily had the prettiest arte style (she came from kyoani, the haruhi and lucky star people).

a remake without her would be sad. she was still alive when kanketsu-hen was airing, but she wasn't involved in it. she was a tragic victim to the kyoani arson that happened in 2019. fuck the stupid moid that did that.

sighs.

i want a remake though. one close to the manga. one that doesn't fucking remove the tender scenes between kagome and inuyasha and change kikyou completely to make her more of a "girlboss". i want an unbiased production. i do love the anime, but i can't lie and say it's not a little bitter to watch knowing just how fucked they made everything. mmm. i guess i'll use this to talk about the kikyou thing while i'm at it.

during the original 1980s production of ranma 1/2, noriko hidaka played akane, and kappei yamaguchi played ranma. these are our main ship of the series. for inuyasha, hidaka played kikyou, and yamaguchi returned to be inuyasha. can you see where the nepotism bias is forming? lmao. even during interviews where all three are present (satsuki yukino as kagome), it feels like hidaka and yamaguchi have this chemistry being veterans together afterall. it feels like yukino is left behind a lot in the interviews. sometimes yamaguchi is even curt with her in a way that he isn't with hidaka. it makes me sad. but yukino takes it in stride so they're an otherwise cool trio together. funny as hell too. so the anime staff clearly favoured inukik over inukag and this is also so present in the ps2 game, secret of the cursed mask.

i fucking DESPISE how inuyasha is written in that game. idk if it's the ENG translation or if he's an asshole in JPN too (fuck it he probably is), he's so fucking... rude? to kagome? constantly? it's a fun game but holy shit he's such an annoying asshole? i don't even think it was written by the same staff as the anime despite having the same animators on it. christ.

manga inuyasha would kick anime inuyasha's ass and manga sesshoumaru would kill anime sesshoumaru.

fuck!

HOLD ON I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING EMBARRASSINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. when i first started dating aster and we were both female identified my family was like OK COOL and my SISTER MADE A PROFILE ON THE SITE WE USED JUST TO SEE THEM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD I THOUGHT I ERASED THAT CRINGE FROM MY BRAIN!!!!!!

also i remembered smth. me and aster got in a fight and then patched things up, but i was beefing with lindsey idr why. she left a comment on his post like. about something. and i went yandere on her like "CAN YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE." AND WE STARTED THIS HUUUUUGE COMMENT CHAIN FIGHT WHICH RESULTED IN HER GOING "IF YOU'RE SO DEPRESSED THEN WHY NOT JUST KILL YOURSELF?" (not very christian of you bro....) GODDDDDDDDD. HOLY FUCK BRUH.

so embarrassing. that whole era of my life was one big embarrassment.

i got my main twitter account back after over a YEAR of spamming support tickets n shit like that. kinda overstimulated about which account to prioritise now. i'm afraid to do anything least i lose the account again. SOBBING. i have a friend i can't talk to publicly because i softblocked their annoying ass plain bread bitch friend 9 years ago for being a boring annoying ass plain bread bitch and she been mad at me for nearly a decade since. she's also just jealous i'll take this friend from her. the last time we called was last january to watch monster. i literally can't finish this anime without them because i watched 40 eps with them. i can't NOT watch it without them. i didn't even know she hated me so much back then. i forgot like... whatever inciting incident caused me to softblock her so long ago. i just didn't care about her, like. at all? and i was willing to be friends with her again since i was back on good terms with my friend after also almost a decade of us not talking because of past drama.

after that past january i get fucking suspended on twitter, i make a new account and then we started interacting less and less and i noticed my friend was hesitant to RT me anymore on our public accounts and i was starting to feel weird about it. we talked less in DMs too. and then i saw them RT this friend. i go to her profile. i am blocked. oh. i see what's happening now. we talk and i learn yeah this friend is making it difficult for them to interact with me because everytime she sees my name, she gets all bitchy and guilt trippy and makes my friend feel like shit. we agree that they'll talk to this friend.

after basically months of nothing and their anxiety to be honest with this friend about being MY friend and being treated like some dirty secret, i softblock all their accounts from mine and remove them from discord. they notice, message me saying this isn't what they want. we remain friends on discord and because twitter likes are private now, we can privately like each others tweets. this is the most retarded situation i've ever been in i think. i go back in fourth mentally like, yeah, well, who would choose me over a better friend anyway. but that friend is such a manipulative cunt?? what's the point? what do they see in her? what do they see in me. whatever.

right now we're in this weird limbo state of only once every couple of months. we haven't had a real genuine interaction since last fucking january.

but i got my twitter account back. which means i have ALL of their accounts following it again. in fact, they were the first to message me like HEY YOUR ACCOUNTS BACK and i was like HUH? they liked my tweets about it but i'm hesitant to interact with them again because??? their friend is a fucking bitch. now we're in an even weirder limbo state because at least by having all their accounts softblocked, their possessive ass friend can't bother them like "OMG WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO THAT GUY. I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU'D LOWER INTERACTION?" <real thing she said btw. so now i'm like. what do we do? lol. if she sees i'm back and we're following each other she could become a major bitch but also both of us have been hoping she'll notice something over the time and bring it up herself which will open the conversation finally. but i need my friend to be stronger. nobody should be guilt tripped for being friends with someone your other friend doesn't like. we're all in our 30s. what the hell is this high school ass shit???

anyway, i fell asleep on call with kazu after movie night and had a weird dream about my friend and there was some arte contest in this class we were in and we couldn't talk at all because real life bled into the dream. we passed each other in the hall and i hugged her really tight and then we parted ways. i remember the teacher in the dream staring like whatever bro.

it kinda reminded me of this dream A once had of us. this was way back in fuckin... 2011?? lmao. he still remembers it too and the times we've talked (not ever again tho...) he's brought it up. in his dream we were like i dunno high schoolers or smth and he had a long day or smth and i was there and we just hung out and hugged and stared at the sky like anime type shit. i think about that dream too sometimes. it always felt to me like a "this is meant to be" kinda dream. i have a few ppl in my life where i'm like "we will probably never ever talk again but these people are so impactful to my life in a way i can't describe, that it's fate maybe." red string type shit. i love red string of theory bcus maybe i'm secretly a romantic idk. i love fated connections. reminds when this artiste drew this one sonadow piece and they cut the red string and the text was "let those who defy their fate be granted glory". and sonic and shadow are cheering with the red string on their pinkies cut with scissors. that artework hits me in a way that artiste will literally never know or care to know. it makes me feel all emotional because i love the fated bond between sonic and shadow. is their connection MORE meaningful if it wasn't fate but simply their intrinsic forces instead? i dunno. it makes me feel certain things. but yeah. A is one of those people where i'm like. we will probably never talk again bcus he's such a broken asshole, but he is in my heart and is one of those "the one" type of people to me. i wouldn't feel this way if we never dated too. sighs. that's also my weird bond with this friend i'm having issues with.

we dated once. years ago. it was weird. they definitely remember it though. i thought they'd forgotten since it was kinda cringey haha. so they're also one of my fated "the one" type. i think i love them? in love? i dunno. our interactions are too weird now to parse. for the years we didn't talk though, i never once hated them for how they treated me. i even showed them all my priv tweets about them once because the only bad thing i said was "yeah they were kinda nuts for what they did but i miss them terribly". SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. stupid gay heart. damn dreams. i dunno what we're gonna do now. just wait for friend to notice ? idk. i'm too hesitant to interact with them haha but also because i'm afraid to do ANYTHING on that damn account least i get sus'd again. ugh.

what must i do.................

anyway here's a post abt corpse party shipping. i don't even hate kizashige. i still like it. BUT i hate how OTHERS ship it. like, it's not some romance tragic distant lover forbidden romance type shit. that's LITERALLY shigemayu. the fun of the ship is that kizami is CANONICALLY obsessed with morishige, meanwhile morishige doesn't give 2 shits about kizami. he's done with his bullshit. kizami is convinced they're "cut from the same cloth", but the truth for morishige's feelings couldn't be farther.




these are from the ACTUAL ship charts released by grisgris/grindhouse.
i like kizashige were kizami is morishige's delusional, clingy stalker and mayu has to keep trying to protect him from the garbage.
i also really like kurozami, kurosaki's character song is incredibly gay and i like to imagine him pining for kizami meanwhile (imagining they all escape tenjin alive), kizami is obsessed with morishige. i want them to destroy each other other. but i couldn't never actually say any of this on socmed because nobody would understand. my friend definitely wouldn't understand because, ofc, they hate all things kizashige but nobody is shipping it how it SHOULD be shipped. it's not a romance. it's a comedy. LMAO. sometimes i wanna draw kizashige still but MY vision of it, not the dumb losers on twitter who don't even ship it right. it would be instantly misunderstood. i hate idiots. also my friend might misunderstand but i don't think it really matters cus they don't care about me that much anyway or else they'd be strong and tell their friend that WE'RE friends and make them fuck off, BUT ANYWAY. I CAN'T CHANGE HOW MY BRAIN WORKS. KIZASHIGE IS FUN WHEN IT'S MY VISION. EVERYONE ELSE SUCKS. i like kizami.

made the mistake of stalking thru profiles and finding an old friend i hurt very very badly and thot hate maybe i can apologise or smth and oh no . theyre dating someone and happy. they should never remember me ever again. i feel so heartbroken for something that happened 14 years ago.

you know what's funny a lot of my ex-friends will say i was hitler but they never experienced what i put this person through and these assholes keep trying to message me despite me being oh so evil, but them? never once tried to message me ever again.

im so sad. im really so sad. i missed them the most of anyone. i knew i cant be around them just looking at their profiles old feelings resurfaced and it made me sad and angry.